I am pretty sure that all of us ladies started off as sweet and lovely little girls but at some point in time, in varying degrees we have been nasty to challenging for our mothers. (Not me - I remained a bundle of joy.)
I have had two teen daughters go through the 'I hate yous' and '<em>You're ruining my life.'
</em> Zoie's turn will come around shortly I'm sure - I already get from her that 'When I have my own kids I will let them... '<em>
- have candy for dinner
- swim in the lightning storm
- stay up until Santa comes... you name it - Zoie has covered those at the ripe age of 4.
The ugly door slamming 'I hate yous' I can deal with, it's unconditional love at it's most tested.
This is the truly ugly side of motherhood.
<a target="_blank" href="http://soulation.org/jonalynblog/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/post-pregnancy-belly.jpg">image source
</a>We can try shooting it in black and white - make it all sepia to make our bellies artsy like they do with aging faces.
This, my Friends, is the belly apron. Charming. Is this where the phrase 'cutting the apron strings' really comes from?
A before and after tummy tuck. Looks good right?
I wish I could find an actual image for you that isn't a cartoon version of a tummy tuck. The real thing looks nasty.
In India this can apparently be done for $2,900+ USD or in Singapore for around $32,007+ USD
Recently I went to have a medical consultation because like the many women who have had children - I have this belly that just won't go. Contrary to my blog post on McDonald's Delivery in Singapore my diet is not all french fries and burgers. While in my consultation the doctor tells me that I have a hernia which is an impediment to my belly area decreasing to where I would like it to be. This type of hernia is apparently quite common post-pregnancy especially with big bambinos. I think I need to investigate this further with another opinion before I get all 'OMG! I have a hernia!'
BTW: I LOVED boxing and I could do a mean roundhouse once-upon-a-time but no more kicking and boxing for me because of post-chikungunya ailments - I am limited to what I can do for workouts. Now a potential hernia. Awesome. Seriously - don't be too jealous.
Children: Your college funds are fixing Mommy's belly. Thanks!
I kid. But it would make Momsie happy if one of you became a plastic surgeon.
I've decided to seek out a physio therapist/trainer because I just can't stomach having my belly cut open, pulled up to my tits and then pulled back down again, stitched up and fingers crossed I don't have a morbid reaction.
I don't mind the cost of some vanities but life risks just seems ridiculous to me.
Looking for a plastic surgeon?
- Ask for client testimonials. Did all previous clients have a lot of bruising and pain? We all bruise differently with various pain tolerances but patients complaining about excess bruising/pain can mean that the surgeon didn't think of you beyond a slab of flesh and a paycheck.*
- Make sure you know all the risks involved.
- Don't just fly to another country because it's cheap. You are going under the knife so it shouldn't be about - who is cheap but who is good - um very good! Better still opt for an artist who loves the female body as an art form so they are creating art.
- Choose a plastic surgeon who follows suit with what you want - not someone who starts offering up opinions on things that aren't bothering you. My recent consult I came in regarding my belly that bothers the hell outta me but the surgeon started talking to me about lipo post-tummy tuck on my back and thighs. Um... I was ok with my back and thighs... What is this? Dr McPlasty-Upsize?
*NOTE - this type of surgery has been hailed as one of the most violent and painful surgeries with a lot of risks.
I find it puzzling that in this day and age mother's aren't placed on higher pedestals. The only time mothers seem to be praised is when we can accomplish MILF or Trophy Wife status - too bad our bellies can't be trophies...
Aging women become cougars with muffin tops and tramp stamps.
Aging men gain character with fat wallets appealing to the younger women.
Pregnancy is a little more scary than you thought right?
Here are some things I found out in my tummy tuck inquiries:
- Big babies increase your risk of a hernia (there's a technical name for the one I have but I forget what it's called). To my knowledge you can't control the size of your baby - all three of my girls were over 9 Lbs. I ate for all four of us when I was pregnant with my first - that wasn't the best idea but at least I was 22 and could bounce back a little better. Each pregnancy after I didn't gorge on chocolate chip cookie dough while watching Oprah. Yes - I did do that.
- Lotion up ladies! I did that too and still do - it puts the lotion on its skin everyday. My stretchmarks are so minimal.
- Exercise to the best of your ability. Anything. Sitting and leg raises. Small arm weights. Pre-natal Yoga. Even if you never have been into exercise - DO IT.
- Vaj. Yea do your kegels - this I can say is not what it used to be too but I haven't researched this too much yet cuz I'm prudish. I did email an inquiry to a clinic in Singapore who does VRL but they never replied. I guess they're awfully busy beavers.
Are you a mom who wishes you could have told your pre-pregnacy self some sage advice? What would that be?